If you’ve never said to yourself or another person, “Wow, I really need to cut back on my Facebook habit,” or “I spend way too much time on Facebook!” then move on. This post isn’t for you. If you have, however, well… come in, please. Let me pour you a cup of tea, and let’s talk this out.
I’ve been an active member of Facebook for a good five years. I joined at the encouragement of one of my writing gigs. In five years, I’ve learned how to post status messages that get “likes” and comments, how to share links that friends will enjoy, and how to interact with fellow Facebookers. I’ve made connections with many people via Facebook, and discovered some interesting and helpful resources. And yes, reconnected with old friends and made some new friends.
I was so good at Facebooking that a big not-to-be-named company hired me to ghostwrite their Facebook posts.
Then, I quit that gig. And now I’m (mostly) quitting Facebook.
Now, before you panic on me, I’m not closing my account. I’m not completely disengaging. If I have some big news to share, I’ll share it. If you’re one of my clients, don’t fear. I’ll still update my professional pages and “play the game.” To friends and family, I will still post occasional kid pictures.
That said, I am stepping away from Facebooking. Far, far away. And visiting as infrequently as possible (no more than once a week, for five minutes). If you want to be in touch, you can email me.
Why, you may ask?
Because I have discovered, after months of careful introspection, that Facebook was eating my brain.
Like, seriously. Chomping up my grey and white matter and replacing it with some dull yellow stuff. And not even pretty yellow. More like puke yellow. Eww. I want my grey and white matter back.
My Brain on Facebook
Chances are this isn’t the first you’re reading about the possible negative effects of Facebook, whether from a personal standpoint or a research one. In fact, just last week, a new study reported how Facebook use can impact mood. And there were, of course, a slew of responses, with some saying it’s all true and Facebook is evil, and others claiming that Facebook is heaven sent and the study is evil.
But for a moment, let’s forget all the science that says Facebook is junk food for the brain, and let me tell you what I discovered from my own little experiment. Not because I think my experience is universal, and not because I think how Facebook affected me will be the same way it affected you, but because… well, because this is my blog. So you’re getting my thoughts on the matter!
And maybe we can all learn something. Who knows.
Initial Observations
I’ve long suspected that Facebook was a problem for me, and I don’t mean in the checking-it-too-often way, though that is also an issue. I used (and disabled) time limiting programs for Facebook. I uninstalled (and reinstalled) Facebook on my mobile phone numerous times.
I certainly wasn’t in denial that I was a bit addicted to the social media site. (“A bit”…. The same way an alcoholic finds alcohol “a bit” of a problem.)
But what I started to notice – and this was the first worrisome sign – was that Facebook was having an impact on my time away from Facebook. Even if I limited Facebook scrolling and posting and liking to, say, thirty minutes of the day, and even if I didn’t disable blocking programs, Facebook still had a hold on my mind.
This is exactly what the makers of Facebook want.
I’m not going to go all conspiracy theory on you, but this is from a purely logical marketing perspective. Facebook is a consumer product (even if it’s “free”), they want you using the site as much as possible so they can show their ads and make money.
That’s not a bad thing. (I don’t think Dove is bad for wooing us with their True Beauty campaigns either.) But, you know, it’s important to know Facebook is designed to create addiction. All good products are.
While I respect Facebook’s right to create a compelling product, I’m not cool with my brain being held hostage.
Next, I started to take note of not only how much I thought about Facebook when away from Facebook, but how I felt while on Facebook. I practiced mindful Facebooking. (Haha.) As I scrolled past status messages, instead of just reading and skimming and liking and commenting, I would check in and ask myself questions:
What am I thinking right now? How does that make me feel? Why am I liking this and not that? What is that person posting trying to do or show? How do I feel about that? Why am I posting this? What’s my goal? How might my friends react, positively and negatively? As I comment/like this friend’s post, do I feel more or less connected by doing so? What do I really want right now?
I discovered something really disturbing. Facebook – despite being a site I felt compelled to check and be a part of, despite it being something I thought I enjoyed – made me feel bad way more often than it made me feel good.
That’s… odd.
Didn’t I check out Facebook because I liked the site? Didn’t the connection with fellow writers and far away friends make me feel, well, more connected?
No. That’s what I thought, but what I thought didn’t match my actual experiences, once I started paying attention to them. And if the site was actually making me feel bad, why was I doing it? What drew me to the site? And how could I get those needs really met? Or not?
To Be Continued…
This realization that Facebook actually made me feel bad is what led me on a four month journey — of watching myself use Facebook, watching others use Facebook, and researching the effect of Facebook and the Internet not just on mood but also on creativity and on thinking patterns when off Facebook. I’ve looked at my own experience, but also at various research studies and opinions.
In very short, I found that Facebook (and some other forms of Internet browsing)…
* diminished my creativity reserves
* caused me to live “in Facebook” (even when off Facebook) instead of in the moment
* took up precious room and resources of free space in my mind
* made thoughtful, slow reading more difficult
* brought up a variety of negative feelings, from sadness to anxiety, from isolation to lower self-worth
* created a low, constant buzz of distraction throughout the day (even when not on Facebook)
* ate up ridiculous amounts of time, especially when taking into account Facebook Brain aftereffects
* reduced my feelings of connection with the people I wanted to connect with most
* kept me in touch and in contact with a number of toxic people
* led to me disliking people I used to really enjoy being with
* did not actually deliver the way it was meant to, in terms of ROI for my writing work
* caused a number of awkward social situations off of Facebook
… and more.
I also struggled (and answered, in my own way) all those “But, but.. !!” objections that come from those who say they want to cut-back on Facebook but “can’t.” You know, like, “But that’s the only way I get updates on my family,” and “But how will I network and market my work,” and “But I work at home, and Facebook is my watercooler!” And so many more buts!
So come back for more in this series, which I’m titling This Is Your Brain on Facebook.
I have been mostly away from Facebook for a good two weeks, and while I won’t deny the occasional pull to check in (“just for a minute”), I’ve mostly resisted. And I feel much better for it.
In the meantime, if you’re looking for me, or want to tell me something, send me an email or even comment on this post! I’d love to really connect with you!
Fellow creative peeps and writers, can you relate? When you’re honest with yourself, is Facebook (or some other Internet site) causing more harm than good? Share your thoughts in the comments. 🙂 Love to hear from you!
Photo (c) Nintaro of Stock.XCHNG
Bravo! I’ve been mostly “off” Facebook for around a year now and it’s because I noticed that it didn’t make me feel good, most of the time. I will log in now randomly to check on someone I haven’t heard from in a while and there are occasions when I find myself sucked in for 30 minutes when I meant to spend five, but I always pull back right away because I can feel myself getting tense.
Can’t wait to see the next part to this! 🙂
Thanks for commenting, Shauntelle! It takes will-power (and practice) to perfect the quick-check-in. I still need a lot of practice, so I’m doing my best to keep quick checks down, way down.
Whoa….thanks. I have become more facebook trapped since I got an Iphone 4 months ago. This is a good time of year for new beginnings.
Thanks for commenting, Yonit!
Smart phones don’t make us very smart, do they? I have a love-hate relationship with my Android. I’ve deactivated all the notifications, which helps somewhat. And, well, uninstalled Facebook, for reasons outlined above. 😉 Smart phone make it even harder to disconnect, that’s very true.
I agree with a lot of this. With most of it! Although there are a few people who I got to know on Facebook who I wouldn’t have otherwise. But, for all the time I spend on Facebook, probably 20 minutes of communication with good friends happens and that ratio is taking too much away from things that really matter.
Shelley, thanks for commenting! I’ve met people via Facebook who I might not have met otherwise. I certainly wouldn’t want to go back and “unmeet” them, if you know what I mean. But when I decided to give up Facebooking, I made peace with the fact that I may not meet more people on Facebook. I’ll meet them in other ways.
I used the alcoholic comparison above, so using it again, I’m sure alcoholics make a lot of friends by going to bars, by feeling more at ease when drunk… and when they stop drinking, I’m sure they lose some friends (the ones who *only* want to meet to drink) and have to find new ways to connect. Obviously, the stakes are much higher with an alcoholic… but the comparison is somewhat helpful, I think.
Plus, there’s that not-enough-time-in-the-world-to-see-and-do-everything problem. I’m trying to find ways to stay connected and be in touch with my Facebook-found friends in non-Facebook ways. Trying and learning. 🙂
Yes, I agree that it’s not as good for writers as we pretend it is, but I do love connecting with colleagues, even if it’s not very meaningful. It makes me feel better about being in my house all by myself all day long 😉 I definitely am feeling the need to cut back, but I haven’t done it yet.
“It makes me feel better about being in my house all by myself all day long.” — Yes, this was one of my excuses for not letting it go originally. Working at home is really difficult in that it can get lonely. And I do love all those fellow writers I met via Facebook. (I met fellow work-at-home writers before Facebook too, in other ways, but that’s a different story…)
BUT… then, when I was “Mindfully Facebooking,” I’d catch myself out with friends or my husband… and I’d be checking Facebook. LOL I mean, here I was doing what I longed for, right? I was out! And about! And with real people! And I was… checking Facebook? Wha… ?!
Rachel- this is true. When I am engaged fully with life, writing, friends, stuff I got a do, all charged up , and ready….sometimes in the fullness of the moments- I find myself sucked in to Facebook and Facebook scrabble. It leads to distraction and not in the good way…my brain is being asked to operate below its function and I feel it .It stops me, stalls me, blocks my engagement with life, (although I will admit the Scrabble has lead to in person games w my online competitors- and those have been fun!)
So I hear you, and I might even join you.
Mary, it’s scary, right? It just sucks you back in… even when you’re not using it. I always knew I wasted time on Facebook, but when I realized it was pulling at my thoughts when I wasn’t even logged in… that’s when I realized I was losing way more than it’s worth.
Rachel: I’m on FB very little these days after noticing some of the very things you mention – particularly the negative feelings. Like you, I don’t plan on closing my account – or at least not soon. But, I seldom log on but once every few days and then just for a couple of minutes. I hope the FB craze dies and we get back to more phone calls and emails. I don’t think social media, at least for individual interactions, is very good at all.
Rosemary, thanks for commenting! I haven’t decided what I think about social media… I think we’re all learning, and we’re also all members of a grand social experiment. And a marketing one. The junk food makers found a way to lure us in and keep us munching, and that changed our waste lines. Now the Internet products reel our minds in… so much scarier.
And yet, just like we can all agree that food isn’t a bad thing — important in fact! — I don’t think the Internet is a bad thing, or even all social media… filtering out the good from the bad is the tricky part.
I agree, totally. And though I have yet to manage to pull myself away from the site, I did start doing some of my own self-monitoring after reading another post from Dave Ramsey, questioning whether Facebook really just fed into the feeling of “stuff envy” … and subsequently derailed efforts to stay on a budget … especially when you were constantly seeing all the stuff your “friends” were doing. Perhaps my first step will be uninstalling it from my phone! Baby steps, I say. Baby steps!!
Thanks for commenting, Stacie! That’s really interesting, about stuff envy from FB. Huh. I’m the frugal one in our family, so perhaps that’s why I haven’t felt that one much… BUT, envy, in various other forms… yes. Unfortunately, the stuff I tend to envy can’t be bought, if you know what I mean. 😉
I never check FB on my mobile – I have a principle of using my phone to talk, message, and navigate. But I also spontaneously cut down on my FB use at home when I noticed both that I was spending too much time on it, and that it was making me feel bad. Not the envy part, I think, but my brain, which is already ADHD, was starting to “fry” (thanks for the video – it summed it up perfectly for me). I also noticed how great it feels to be on vacation and away – but that’s away not only from FB but also more or less from email and (most importantly) from work, so it’s hard to sort out what does what.
Now I still go in a few times a day, but mostly to check for messages or post something I think my friends will like, or take advantage of my friends’ good taste and liesten to some good music or read something interesting or funny. I’ll probably cut down further as time passes.
Thanks for commenting, Sara! Yes, I think for people with ADHD Facebook is even more addictive and perhaps even more harmful. (I’m also ADD.)
What you said about checking in to take advantage of your friend’s good taste brings up one of my “buts”, which was, “But if I don’t check FB, I might miss a really cool article or video or news item that one of my friends shared?” I eventually resolved this dilemma by realizing I will never be able to read *every* cool thing my friends shared, and shouldn’t even try, for that matter. It’s just not possible!
Then, I thought of all the main sources for good information, made sure I had them all in my RSS reader (Feedly), and decided that when I want to read something, I’ll get it from an already trusted sources. No scrolling through a news feed — which doesn’t even show me *everything* friends post — required.
That scrolling, I’m convinced, is part of what makes your brain feel like it’s frying. You’re taking in all these extra, unnecessary bits of information in order to find one or two goodies…. but your brain is still required to process and take in the garbage.
That’s right, Rachel, the scrolling is definitely poison. But I only do it for a minute or two once or twice a day, and don’t expect to read everything my friends post.
I don’t even know what an RSS reader is. 🙂 I should find out and consider doing what you are.
Try Feedly.com. That’s what I use now. (I used to use Google Reader, but that was shut down a few months ago.)
Hi Rachel,
Since I got to know about FB I always had the same opinion, its gossip, small talk and above all a waste of time! Sorry for being so blunt but that’s the truth. My colleagues have created a closed group to communicate about work and study and for sharing resources.
I totally agree with your comments!
Regards,
Carmen
Thanks for stopping by, Carmen! The group features of FB can be nice, and I will say that is where I met the most people, as in really met them. Unfortunately for me, I don’t have the will power to read groups and not scan other FB posts, so I needed to say goodbye to those groups for now.
I will say that for some people, FB is really great, and it certainly fulfilled an important purpose in my life for some time. Just now, the cons have begun to outweigh the pros. I’m glad it was there… and now I’m glad I can leave it (mostly) behind.
I agree, and nicely written, too. I also find that FB sucks my creativity, but strangely Google+ does not (incidentally, that’s where I saw this posted). I have writing friends who have stayed away from FB, and I tell them it’s the right decision. Unless you have an editor specifically ask you to open a fb account, mine had to ask me twice, you can just stay away and keep your brain cells intact!
I was away and mostly offline for several weeks this summer, and I feel like I didn’t miss a thing!
Thanks for stopping by, Patti! Google+ is a different animal, at least for me it is. Feels more like a sharing hub, as opposed to a news from friends and family hub. That makes a big difference. Like you said, you didn’t feel like you missed a thing. Exactly! With FB, the fear of missing… something… is one of the things that makes FB so addicting.
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I gave up Facebook in 2015. If I had read your blog in 2013, I might have done it sooner.
I was never as into Facebook as most people that I know (e.g. I rarely posted pictures, I’ve never “checked in” anywhere”, etc.), but I was still using it multiple times per day. It was a constant distraction and as you pointed out, I found myself thinking about it even when it wasn’t in front of me.
You wrote “This realization that Facebook actually made me feel bad is what led me on a four month journey — of watching myself use Facebook, watching others use Facebook…” After being what I call “Facebook Sober” for almost 4 years now, the hardest part is not missing Facebook. I don’t miss it at all. I lament the time I spent using it and wish I could somehow have that time back. The hardest part, rather, is watching those who are still addicted. On a regular basis, I feel a strong urge to slap someone’s phone right out of their hands and scream “Look! Another human being is sitting right in front of you! Stop! Speak! Engage! Listen! Learn! Love!” I get most angry when that human being sitting in front of them is their own child – a child who would do anything for 5 minutes of their parent’s undivided attention and time. And yet, Facebook often seems to win the battle for that coveted attention.
Great post! Thanks for sharing!